I have three faucet controls above my bathtub. One is for hot, one is for cold, and one is to turn the shower on and off. The fixtures are made of metal holders in which faux-marble handles are inserted. Like everything else in the house, it was designed to look good while being extremely cheap.
Several years ago, the faux-marble handle in the center control, which turns the shower on and off, fell — slipped out of its fixture and landed on the floor of the tub. I tried to tape it back and glue it back, but was defeated by the smoothness of the handle and the dampness of the bathroom.
So for years now, I’ve stored the handle on the side of the bathtub. Every morning, when I wanted to shower, I’d slip it into its fixture, turn it, put it back on the side of the tub, and then do the same when I was done. It became part of my morning ritual.
Then, about two weeks ago, the hot water faux-metal handle slipped out of its fixture.
That was something that was harder to get used to. Not only did I have to place and replace the handle that would turn the shower on and off, but also the one that would adjust the hot water. It was both inconvenient and irritating.
Motivated by my inability to change the hot water when needed (and nervous about getting burned), I actually, finally, came up with a solution — using this fabulous stuff that I had once seen an article about called Sugru Mouldable Glue. (I’ve included the link just in case somebody out there could also use it.) It comes in little packets. You open the packet, take off as much of the clay-like substance as you like, mold it, stick it to whatever you want, give it 24 hours, and it semi-hardens to a rubbery substance. I put the faux-marble handles into the fixtures, stuck the Sugru on either side of the fixture as barriers, and waited.
And it worked! The handles are now staying where they belong, inside the fixtures.
But that’s not what this essay is about.
What it’s about is the fact that I’m still reaching for the central faux-marble handle after every shower — even though I’m reasonably awake and intellectually aware that I used the handle to start the shower. I finish washing, and go to the side of the tub, reach around, and for a split second I wonder what happened to the damned handle — and then think: Oh, yeah — it’s fixed. All I have to do is actually put my hand on it and turn it.
So now I’m wondering: Will I ever forgive the center handle for being fixed after not being fixed for such a long time?
The problem is that it feels so good — so righteous — to blame the fixture for my having to get up, shower, make coffee, and prepare for work in the morning. I’d rather lie in bed until 11 a.m. or so and read, but instead I have to get moving.
I don’t really want to be in a bad mood because I have to work, or because I’m behind on various personal tasks. That means I’m a lazy person, right? But when I had to go fishing for the separate handle every morning, I could pull myself up and say, “Obviously, it’s the handle’s fault that I’m feeling like this” — a very satisfactory strategy.
Not realistic, you say? Well, perhaps not. But sometimes, when we’re angry at a bad situation in our lives or in our world (and lord knows there are enough of those situations these days), it helps to focus that anger on something easy and within reach. Something you can blame. Like a broken shower handle.
But now it’s fixed. Of course, I can, for now, be angry because I find myself searching for it unnecessarily each morning. After that? I guess I’ll have to find something else.